Idle Scribe

Bella's Song

2011-08-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Baby bird

2011-04-20T18:36:00.001-07:00

Don't give up on me just yet.
Baby birds can't fly from birth,
You know,
And I am learning.

Every feather quivers, when I shiver in whatever weather wuthers round my mother while she feeds me and my brothers.
I want to wing it with her but my withered wings can't cover all beloved winds I covet
- Like a lover I would love it - but I'm not capable of it.
May I never see another day
May mother take my wings away
If I don't learn to play the wind
So don't give up on me just yet
I swear I'm learning

Kites

2011-04-19T05:45:00.001-07:00

Maybe we are like kites
And it would be as sad for us to escape
As it would be if we were to give up.

Meander

2011-04-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

It's hard to leave sometimes
All peoplefull and hectic and
Like a warm bath I have to
Heave myself out
Leave
Cool down outside and I
Go for a walk and my
Shadow paints the ground
It can get in the locked park
Runs over the flowerbeds
Climbs trees I can't don't won't climb
I used to do this all the the time
That's why it's mine
I think I can hear people talking
In the grass centre of the park
Maybe they think I'm walking my dog
(I wag my tail at that)
I know that the moon is copper or bronze
And I know the fences don't apply
And I know they will ask me why
Why I went wandering
And I won't say how nice it was to walk in a straight line.

Roath park

2011-04-14T16:02:00.001-07:00

Grey sky. Swan wing
(thunderclaps against water)
ash and blossom
petal concentrics on the glass.

Lake
lake is of a moment
willowdipped fingers

and more every
Time
stands still
and more
lake

Three poems

2011-04-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

I learned to walk the tightrope
With ghost feet.
Walking the line on cold toes
From up here you all look like gods
Like warm legends
Blooded and brilliant.
At least I can keep an eye on you all
And at least I don't f

~ ~ ~

Live happy ever after, somewhere far away from me,
Somewhere you can love each other well and I won't have to see.
I'm sorry this is bitter but I'm trying to be kind,
'Cause even though she has your heart I know I'm on your mind.

I know I'm on your mind the same way you're always on mine.
I don't read too much into how you text me all the time
But you make your feelings clear with every single thing you say,
So go live happy ever after, somewhere far away.

~ ~ ~
Dreadlocks
Are pretty terrible.
Yes they are.
They may look cool in theory
But in practise they are a bit gross
And frizzy.
I'm really sorry guys.
Don't be offended
I think you're awesome
But I am so excited about the day you eventually cut them off.
Other hairstyles are available
And infinitely more caressable.

Bonfire in a bin

2011-04-10T14:49:00.001-07:00

Hungry arms lick the bin
And I think for a minute that they reach for me
To pull me in,
Climbing up the wood,
Spitting sparks in spite
The planks ignite.
It hates me, I think.
I watch in wonder at the brightness,
Fire flung in fury, cursing my name
The same flame that killed countless of my kind, kept many alive too.
Destruction is its duty
And I am duly consumed by its beauty.

Land

2011-04-09T14:51:00.001-07:00

We are all african, but I don't feel it.
I come from the secret garden,
That lost orchard-England of petticoats and farthings,
Of starlings and strawberries.
We are all young, but I don't feel it.
I know the old forest in my bones, the boar and stags
and
Stages of clearing clearings.
I know the huts and houses, horses and hounds that bent to our iron and will and still I feel the steel of what we are
Man works by hand and works the land, I understand.
We are all now,
But I don't know it. All times are mine.

FINISHED!

2011-04-08T16:20:00.001-07:00

YES
I heard you
The first time
You told me
To pick up the laundry and pick up the pace and tidy my bedroom and reach out to space
"Work hard, and make your future fall in line"
I heard you.
The first time!
I appreciate encouragement,
And I admire your drive
But why've you made it your mission
To make me thrive?

I can't poem, I have alcohol in me.

Scars and wrinkles

2011-04-07T16:40:00.001-07:00

Life has played games with my skin
Kept notes on it
Left memos: oh by the way
You fell and you bled here.
You grew too fast.
You burned and were scarred. You hurt and were scared.
You learned
At last
I've turned into a notebook
Or the back of an envelope.
Life has made maps of me.
I said I'd die unblemished,
But tattoos chose me,
Piercings found me
(thumbtack in my palm,
One prick requiring another in my arm to stave off tetanus)
So now I am covered with story,
Unchosen glory,
And every section's gory imperfections
Serve as answers to my questions.
Life's little lectures as living reflections of
Who I have been until now,
Somehow.
And sometimes when I'm looking in the mirror
I see glimmers of the woman that I'm one day going to be.
Neat crow's feet to remind me
That laughter lies behind me
It's lined me already.

Day 6 is a sorry one

2011-04-07T02:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's a day late.
I'm not the most reliable
Person in the world,
A fact that's undeniable
However hard I try
I find I'm always liable
To postpone and procrastinate
Until it isn't viable.

Sorry this is late,
I got a bit distracted
And the words inside my head
Just couldn't be extracted
And this one-a-day idea
Has had some worth subtracted
But i've not packed it in this morning, I've acted.

"You guys is dicks, I have untold value."

2011-04-05T14:18:00.003-07:00

They've tried to sell me, so they say,
Debating my merits as table or whore.
Claiming they've paid Jay to kill me:
"For the right price, I'll do anything."
"That's what his business cards say!"
The crueler they are,
The more crass and offensive,
The closer we get as a group.
I feel lucky to know people who'll ridicule and slander me
The way this lot do.
They're good people
Once you get past the whole sex offender thing.

Drag

2011-04-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's all a drag act.
Fake femininity,
Aspiring to maintain
The dream of divinity
Goddess, Oh limit me:
Appearance, demeanour and voice,
The pedestal trinity.
I learn to sway the hips, to paint my lips,
Extranatural
Like a billboard larger-than-life.
As long as you want me I'm worth it
As long as I'm fake then I'm perfect
Servicing standards unfeasibly high
Oh woman, you're one when you learn how to lie.

The Bass

2011-04-03T15:53:00.001-07:00

Most nights my line is "I can't dance, I'm fine" but tonight I can't stop 'cause this music is mine.
There's a buzz to it.
A fuzzy tremble-beat beneath my feet
And with every fibre humming
It's so sweet to feel complete in the movement, in a moment of becoming.
It commemorates the muse in me,
Amusing me:
Are all the ways
I jerk and sway
A kind of praise?

Especially I treasure the lack of inner pressure;
I do it at my leisure
My time
My place
My change of pace, this perfect space.
The roar in the floor
The call in the wall
The bass.

Week starts again

2011-04-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

I’m afraid of the life I have built for myself.
It’s left me with nowhere to go.
The twist in my chest tells me so.
I’m fighting the fright every sunday night.
The terror takes hold of me then -
And the week starts all over again.

And there’s deadlines to meet
And there’s errands to run
I take too many breaks
And I have too much fun
There’s too much distraction from everyone
I start making progress, I’m coping, and then
The week starts again
The week starts again.

Write A Poem Every Day In April: Invisible.

2011-04-01T04:33:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Taylor Mali's idea of writing a poem every day in April, and helped along by the high amount of poeming my brain's been doing lately, I thought I'd join in. I hope you like it! This first one's a bit negative, yes, but it works much better to music. I hope to get a video camera one day, then I can show you what it's meant to sound like!

Over and under and round me and through me
You never quite saw me, you never quite knew me
I’m not blind, I know you’ve been flirting with fellas
And yes I’m a lady, and yes I am jealous.
It’s stupid, it’s pointless, it makes me feel foolish,
But I think you knew this,
Is that why you do this?
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
You’ve made yourself clear.
Not needed, not wanted, I’ll just disappear.
Over and under and through me and round me
Invisible just because nobody found me.

Butterflies

2011-02-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

I am here,
And he is here,
And something else is here too -
That bungee jump, about-to-step-on-stage feeling.
The crucial moment, fight or flight?
The twisty, hopping, what’s-about-to-happen feeling
That they call
Butterflies.

I am there,
And he is there,
And butterflies are everywhere their wings all tangled in my hair
And, acting like I don’t much care,
I dare to touch...
But not too much.

Synapses firing and failing, I’m flailing for something to say
But “we never did too much talkin’ anyway,
And don’t think twice,” ’cause when I do I run away
And I want to stay.
I kind of like this guy,

But best I like the butterflies that tell me “Yes,
Be afraid and Be alive and Be young for once.”
The butterflies that cloud my eyes
With sugar-gem brightness
And almost hide that common sense is
Telling me: maintain pretences.
Warning me: don’t drop defences; you built the fences for times like this.

So I’ll try and pretend that the thrill’s lost,
That the butterflies died with the first frost,
That the cost was too high.
I’m trying not to show –
Trying not to see those things with fragile stained-glass-window-wings
Thronging the room from the back of my head to the front.

So, I am there.
And he is there.
The butterflies are everywhere.
And I’m still trying not to show – but no. I have to go.
I walk home to a cold bed
And turn it over in my head, the things he did and things I said,
’Cause when you pin it down, it dies,
And I must kill the butterflies.

Now this is nearly perfect ’cause I don't know how to end it, how to make the flutters
Still.
But I will.

Alphabetical polygons

2010-11-05T21:20:00.001-07:00

A likes B
but B likes C
(and has a boyfriend anyway, poor A).
C likes D
and D likes E,
and E... well, I think he likes me.

E is hot. I really would,
but F's not over him. Well, good,
because I'm still not over G,
and I live with F, you see.

Tonight I might have upset D.
'cause E was cuddled up to me
And I can't turn a hug away.
(Oh. H was there; her ex is A.)

I'm sure it's not too hard to see
Why this is all too much for me.
I'm tempted to walk out; forget
The whole perplexing alphabet.

Well. I hope I've made it clear.
I'm simply wishing U were here.

Another untitled loss poem.

2010-09-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

I waited up for you again,
Another night. You never came
To brush away the tears, and I
So seldom cry

but that's a lie I have to tell.
I've tried, and learned, to hide it well,
To push aside the pain and fear.
You're still not here

to pull me near and comfort me,
And that's how it will always be.
I can't take back a single day,
And that's the way

it is, they say. Perhaps it's true.
They tell me what I ought to do:
It's time to shed these grievances.
Perhaps it is.

Perhaps it is.

Facebook Anthem

2010-09-17T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hey so GUESS WHAT! My housemate Ben and I wrote a song! And then we sang it! I played ukulele! He played guitar! Arthur held the microphone, it was MENTAL. (Shush, I'm overexcited.) Anyhow, because you're all so lovely and whatnot, here it is: the Facebook Anthem.

Listen!

Upon the realisation it feels like my brain is two sizes too big for my head.

2010-08-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

Where did the day go? I stayed up 'til five
'Cause being with people makes me feel alive,
But if I don't sleep more I'll never survive;
I don't have the drive or foresight

To sort out my cycle and sleep in the night.
Waking at 3pm doesn't feel right;
I don't get much day and I'm missing the light,
It's such a sad plight. I'm unhappy,

My head always aching. It's easy to see
That sleeping in daytime is not good for me.
I'm turning nocturnal, a bad thing to be,
I'm longing to see myself thrive.

Musings

2010-08-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

I wrestle with the paper,
Committing rubbish to it.
I’m bloody good at what I do,
So why, why can’t I do it?

I cast my eye around the room
In sheer exasperation;
Nothing seems to answer to
My plea for inspiration.
I sometimes sit for hours
(And that’s no exaggeration)
Waiting for my muse to strike
In tense antici...

... yeah.
Calliope must admire
My fervent dedication,
But even if she does
She doesn’t give an indication.

I want to write a poem
That will sweep across the nation!
Something to evoke such grief,
Or anger and elation!
But instead I suffer,
To my constant irritation,
The ugliest of writer’s blocks –
A lyrical castration.

“Where, oh Muse, where are you now?
Please end this mad frustration!
Why not give me something here,
Some cause for celebration?”
But never does she answer
To my plea for information,
So I just sit and grumble
At my lack of inspiration.

I wrestle with the paper,
Committing rubbish to it.
I’m bloody good at what I do,
So why? Why can’t I do it?

Trigger

2010-06-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

Oh God, oh God, I take it. Cold and heavy and scary, so scary. He's fine, so I'll be fine too - except it doesn't work like that. He's fine so I'm more likely to make a Pollock on the wall. I can feel their eyes on me, hoping that I'll - oh God, no, don't think about that. I'm getting out of debt today, one way or another.

He's fine so I'll be fine... the slaughterhouse goat. Instinct, stupid, stupid instinct.

Shit, do it. My hand's shaking. The trigger reluctantly eases a few millimetres and Janey, we'll be ok. You'll go to college. Daddy said he'd provide for you, there when I held you for the first time, I promised.

I'm afraid, and then I'm angry. You'd do this?! You'd make me abandon my girl? Fuck you, fuck you all! I see myself walking away, abandoning my investment. My family. I wouldn't make it to the door.

So I squeeze, a little more.

A little more -

Oh God, a little more, eyes shut tight, and -

click

Oh, it's not so bad! Cold, losing so much blood, but really... Janey

An argument

2010-06-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

She is shouting at him. He is shouting at her.

They halt on your arrival, and stare - they did not see you approach. It seems that it is true: you cannot observe the action without affecting it. I forget whether it is Heisenberg or Schrödinger I should thank for this trick.

Never mind; as the author, I can lead you behind a veil and allow the couple to continue. They will forget we were here.

"You always tell me what to do!" she says, irritation showing in her voice. Her shoulders tensed, face obscured by her hair, looking at the ground. "And whenever I do things my way, you act like I'm a huge disappointment! Why can't you just let me make my own decisions?"

He isn't looking at her either. "I don't know why you feel like that. Try to see things from my perspective: every time I get a little bit of hope, and stop pushing you, you give up again."

She reaches across the table and puts her hand on his. "But I am getting better. Trust me."

Why should you care about them, if you know nothing about them? Allow me. I am the woman - or, at least, she is me. Me as I see me. And how far that is from Anna the Writer, I am least qualified to say.

Here, a lot is unsaid. They know the history, and you don't. Allow me. The woman has struggled with depression. She is teaching herself how to be brave again. The night of this conversation, she bailed on a commitment - a failure that she saw as making a free choice, and he saw as a relapse. The cursor is blinking at me. I didn't plan beyond this part. So, because I can, I think I shall bring resolution.

“I’ll try to get better. I am trying. I love you.” This time he takes her hand. She looks up, and their eyes finally meet.

They drop the subject, shelve it for next time they need something to resent, and sleep. You can go now.

On the tracks

2010-06-23T08:13:00.001-07:00

He has his answer: it doesn’t stop.

“Does it ever stop hurting?” The question he doesn’t ask – his mother weeping openly – he feels the need to be strong, outwardly. Inwardly, he is already heading to the crossing.

The crossing. It’s dark; a mild, starless night. He tries not to think about the doctor.

The doctor, hiding behind her clipboard, muttering “I’m so sorry”s with a solemn, tearless face. He stares at his knuckles, white and pink from his fierce grip on absolutely nothing.

Nothing to stop him now. As he waits, his thoughts turn to heaven or oblivion. Which is worse? Best to say his goodbyes now, in any case. The note already does that, for the most part, but he wants to say something to his daughter.

His daughter, three years old, refuses to get into the pool. She doesn’t want to get her new swimming costume wet. It’s red, with a smiling yellow duck over the heart.

“Come on in, honey, Daddy’s gonna catch you!”

– on absolutely nothing –

He boards up the window she fell from, hammer and nails splitting the wood.

The wooden post piercing the earth; the last mark he’d make on this house; the last he’d allow it to make on him.

His eyes blur with choked apologies as the screaming demon train took him to whatever comes next.

Cliff edge

2010-06-23T08:11:00.001-07:00

He is afraid. Heart pounding, he inches along the rocky ledge, only kept from despair by thoughts of home.

Home, where the salty air blurs the border between sea and sky. Home, where Rosie waits for him. He knows that he may die today. If the ledge crumbles, he might die.

He clings tighter to the cliff face, arms and chest scratched and bruised from his journey. The wind tugs at his clothes, trying to pull him aside. You could fly, it whispers.

An eagle soars in front of the setting sun, and there is a moment of unforgettable beauty. Nothing could ever be so perfect, he thinks. And he lets go.

Hopscotch

2010-06-09T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hop, skip, stumble and a jump
Got to dance the dance to escape this fucking dump.
Email, email, mobile call
Got to play the game if you want to live at all.

Not for you the good life, you'll never be a hermit
Can't earn any money if you haven't got a permit
Can't have a home or food if you're not bringing in the cash

(It's tempting just to leave your junk and burn it all to ash
Drop your life within the lines, I'd love to hear it smash
But don't do that, oh no, not yet, 'cause that's a little rash.)

Hop and skip and slide and fall
Got to do the paperwork or hit the fucking wall.
Got to follow rules you never told them they could make,
Obedience is goodness, so be good for goodness' sake.

Hopscotch, hopscotch. One foot, two.
Don't break the rules or the rules break you.
No tripping on the skipping rope and landing with a bump
Hop and skip and stumble jump.

Restless

2010-06-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

I'm too hot, I can't sleep.
Tossing, turning, counting sheep.
I'm so tired that I can barely think -
Time to go and get a drink.

Get a drink of cool clear water,
Wonder what I'll name my daughter?
Will I have a daughter or will I have a son?
If I have a baby will I ever have fun?

Restless, writhing, getting quite annoyed.
I'll think of nearly anything to fill the fucking void.

Will I get married, and will I wear white?
Will I ever get to go to sleep tonight?
Will I have money, or will I have none?
If I marry him when will I ever have fun?

Hot and sticky, do you ever find
It's impossible to sleep when you've got so much on your mind?
Or there's so much on your mind 'cause it's impossible to sleep?
Can't tell if it's nonsense or I'm being really deep.

It is my deepest sorrow, I've already fucked tomorrow.
And I've used up every hope that I can beg or steal or borrow.
Will it be rainy, or will there be sun?
If I bother waking will I ever have fun?

Fickle fidelity

2010-06-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

Swear by all passing passions,
By the falling leaves
Swear by the wave-torn tempest
Swear, and I'll believe.

Swear by the sand-print handprint,
By the ice and snow.
Swear, and I'll believe you'll stay
Until the day you go.

Swear by all that's mutable,
Changeable, and free.
Swear by your unfaithfulness and
Swear by me.

Paper aeroplane

2010-05-05T16:24:00.000-07:00

I folded the paper in half
Then the wings, then the tail.
And as I folded,
I was folded
Into and onto myself.
I drifted from the open window
Lifted by the breeze
Carried over trees
And with a deep breath, floated
Beyond my vision.

Dear Spring

2010-04-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Spring,
Thank you for the flowers.
I had a great day yesterday, the sunshine lasted hours!
And I got to share it with you,
That's what made it great.
You did your normal thing of showing up a little late -
You know, every year I wonder
If you're going to come at all.
The others show up right on time - Winter, Summer, Fall;
But with you it's always different,
You like to keep us guessing,
And before we know you're there you've got the pretty girls undressing!
It's something in your nature,
The quintessential tease,
You tempt the song from songbirds, entice blossom to the trees.
And Spring, what makes it special
Is there's just no way to know
What you'll be like when you get here, and how long before you go.

The Beast Below

2010-04-10T20:17:00.000-07:00

Based on the Doctor Who episode of the same name. Best skip it if you haven seen ep. 2 yet, it's quite spoilery.

A disappointed face he wears,
To tell you to behave.
A demon's grimace sometimes stares
And bears you to your grave.
The final face, polite and gay,
The one you best recall;
The face that makes it seem ok,
And that's the worst of all.

Nowhere can we hide from it,
The Smilers' silhouette,
Who curses us with knowledge but
Permits us to forget.

And that's the power of our fear.
Amidst the lively throng
We all make sure we'll never hear
The whale's song.

Shawna

2010-04-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

It puzzles me.
How can she be
So close to what I was?
A single voice
Of broken choice.
I'm scared for her because
I fought so long,
And went so wrong,
And she could stumble too.
And worst of all,
If she should fall,
I'd think our nightmares true.

Like me, she sees
The sky-wrapped trees
And wonders what they mean.
Like her, I saw
An open door
That promised things unseen.
And from her lips
And fingertips
I hear the words I'd use
To speak my fears,
And joy, and tears.
I think we share a muse.

(Crossposted on my main blog, and the reason I'm restarting this one.)

A new heart

2010-04-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

I wish I had new eyes to see
The things I knew of old,
New eyes to find the hidden things
That we were never told.

I wish I had new ears to hear
The sweetest song of birds.
New ears to hear the secrets, that
We bury deep in words.

I wish I had a brand new heart,
Untried, untested, true -
A heart unsullied by the world
To love the world anew.

Thank you and goodnight!

2008-10-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to say that I may not be posting here anymore. I'm posting most of this stuff across to my DeviantART, which makes a lot more sense to me as the community aspect of it means that I'll get more feedback! Big thanks to everyone who's followed and read this blog over the last couple of years, I hope you follow me to DA.

I won't delete anything from here, and if people have strong opinions I'll consider posting my new material up here as well.

Don't forget that you can still find me at www.almostdailyexploits.com!

Panic - a drabble

2008-09-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

I start to panic. I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone ten years from now. I don’t know who or what I am. Am I a good person, or even a nice one? How many opportunities do I miss every day? My pulse quickens and my breaths come shallow and fast as I become overwhelmed by the vastness and insignificance of my life in the huge, unfeeling universe.

What if my best days are behind me? What if I haven’t made a difference?

Then he puts his hand on mine and smiles at me, and I’ll be alright.

Don't fear the creeper

2008-09-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

I refuse to fear the hand of time
Drawing my tits down and greying my hair.
I refuse to be horrified when wrinkles appear.

I will not have cosmetic surgery, no, I will not!
But will accept it with a graceful air
When men in their twenties no longer stare.

As my bones groan and my joints creak
And my eyes and my ears pack it in,
I will be happy, as others have been.

So do not tell me that age is a monster,
Devouring my glories one by worthless one;
The golden glow of evening precedes the setting sun.

More Drawing-Tablet Fun

2008-09-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

Cardiff Creativity

2008-08-29T10:44:00.000-07:00

I had a couple of really creative days. This is what I did with it!

Ending

2008-08-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

So I stood apart from the crowd, reflecting on how the simplest and best things in this world were forever denied me. Love, friendship, laughter. It's not that I felt lost; how can you feel lost when there's nowhere to be, nobody to go with?

Don't feel sorry for me. Some people just feel this way. Peripheral. Once, though, I was alive.

His name is Richard, and he was my world for a year and a half. From the night I met him outside a Subways to that last, regret-filled phone call when we both stopped trying, he was my heartbeat, the sun in my sky. His home was my home; his friends, my friends. Every adventure in life we went through together, holding hands and running for the hell of it.

I’ve been over it time and time again in my head. Trying to pinpoint the exact moment our sandcastle fell apart. My best guess is that it happened at the most trivial of moments, as these things do - when we were choosing new curtains for the bedroom. We’d both had a rough couple of weeks; stress at work, in his case, and an ill nephew in mine. I suggested a few light colours, but he didn’t like them. So I suggested a few darker ones, but he didn’t like them. So I suggested a few brighter ones, and he didn’t like those either. I suggested he make his mind up what he fucking well DID want, or at least give me a fucking HINT... and he gave me the strangest look, like he didn’t know me, and he said “There are much more important things for us to decide.”

I cried myself to sleep that night.

That was months before the last thread broke, and there were plenty of good times after that day, but the memory of what he said came back to me after every fight, every angry word, every disappointed look. My paranoia wouldn’t let it rest. Sometimes I’d catch him looking at me pensively, as if trying to work something out, and I’d ask him what he was trying to decide. He never answered.

When a relationship ends, especially if it’s one you were completely invested in, at some point the inevitable question ‘what could I have done differently?’ comes up. What if I’d tried harder, been better, done the washing up more often? What if I’d spiced things up in the bedroom? What if I’d suggested blinds?

Sometimes these things just don’t work out. I moved out, ostensibly to ‘get some space’, but really because I couldn’t understand him and it was tearing me up inside. After two weeks we gave up. I moved away, started again with new friends, and a new flat that didn’t carry his fingerprints and his scent. But I haven’t been the same since. I watch couples in love with detached disinterest, knowing that I can’t ever feel that way again. I watch people laughing and joking in pubs, in parks, light-hearted and hopeful, and privately wonder how long it is until I move on again and get a new dead-end job somewhere else.

I can’t live with them, I can’t love like them, and I can’t feel the warmth of Richard’s skin on mine.

So I stand apart from the crowd. Don’t feel sorry for me, some people just feel this way.

Celebrity

2008-08-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

Dear general public, the joke's on you.

Yes, I know I've been lampooned in every magazine, mocked in every list of 'what's hot and what's not'; I know every bitter columnist has bemoaned my utter lack of dignity and self-respect. I know I've been the big joke on the music scene for all 30 years of my less-than-prestigious career.

But here's the funny part.

You bought it. You gave me air-time, screen-time, your precious time. You, my dears, have kept me in Gucci sunglasses and Prada handbags. You paid for my swimming pool. I'm currently considering getting a tennis court put in the grounds.

And what have I given you in return? Such classics as "Sex me do" and "Oh Baby Baby" (which, need I remind you, stayed at number one for three weeks despite being universally recognised as monotonous garbage).

I've been accused of taking myself too seriously. The celebrity friends, the designer dresses, every red carpet and all the late-night boozy pap-snaps. Do you think I didn’t know it's all just a game? Just a dance that I performed for your benefit? You gave me a celebrity lifestyle, and in return, I gave you my life - and that was worth nothing to start with.

Oh and I'd like to remind you all that my new movie, "Make room for Albie", comes out on the 25th.

Ciao.

x x x

Faun

2008-07-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

Drawn on my trusty bamboo tablet! I'm falling in love with it.

A little fuzzy person!

2008-07-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

IM IN UR GARDEN
SHIMMERIN AND PROWLIN

Who are you?

2008-07-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

Tell me darling, who are you?
With those eyes so ocean-blue
You look at me and see right through
Tell me darling, who are you?

Who are you, what's your name?
Do you really feel the same?
If you share my joy and shame,
Who are you?

You look so familiar
And you know that I'm afraid
I didn't try to tell ya
But you heard what I never said,
That I am scared.

Tell me stranger, who are you?
I don't think I ever knew
So please tell me, tell me true
Perfect stranger, who are you?

Who are you, how'd you know
That I'll break if I'm let go?
You still hold me tightly, so
Who are you?

Dry

2008-07-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

My truth is swept up in twisters,
It breaks into blisters
Sisters and brothers
Whisper to others.
Mothers turn listless.

Restless I wander and weave,
Can't leave this burnt bruised and broken
Token of truth.
The snake drags her skin
Only memories in -
Where she's been,
What she's seen,
Withered white dead skin in favour of green.

My truth is lost in dry dirt,
Buried in hurt
My nails split from digging
Blood on my shirt
Tears in my eyes
The skies full of grey clouds that never break.
For heaven's sake and mine,
RAIN this time!

Accomplished young lady

2008-07-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

I can read and speak half a dozen different languages,
Dance and sing and play the piano
I can paint and clean and I'm good at making sandwiches,
I'm quite an accomplished young lady you know.

I'm neat and sweet and admirably taciturn,
Some rich bachelor will fall in love with me.
I'm good at crotchet and never speaking out of turn,
I'm quite the example of how girls should be.

I'm graceful, beautiful, but blessed with sweet propriety,
Modesty turns my cheeks a gentle rose.
I say my prayers as examples of my piety,
And I'm merciful to all the worst of my foes.

I can read and speak half a dozen different languages,
But as I'm just a woman my talent merely languishes,
Far be it from me to speak of all my anguishes
But I'm quite an accomplished young lady, you know.

A new song

2008-07-04T13:49:00.000-07:00

My heart's been broken and reformed,
I lift my scars up to the Lord,
I need a new one,
I need a new one.

The old praise doesn't sound sincere,
It just rings hollow in my ear.
I'll sing a new song.
I'll sing a new song.

And these thousand days when you've felt so distant,
I thought you died but I hope you didn't,
I've walked the road and I think I'm different now...

Whatever you want from me,
I need to be strong now
I have to be strong.
Whatever you ask of me,
I want to come home now
God let me come home

Bamboo 1

2008-06-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

My new graphics tablet. I'm still learning what it can do.

The sea

Rayne

Shoes

I love it!

Stick man cartoons

2008-06-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

I've made a few of these before, but the past month or so the ideas have been coming faster. I promise that as soon as I develop vestiges of artistic ability I will make something 'proper'.

Sadly there's no way of decently embedding them into the blog, but just click the links below to see them.

Sofa

Coffee

Housemate

Paris (Based on my recent trip to Paris. It had a white tuft on its head!)

Cupboard

Computer

Crying

Beatbox

Door

Hope you like them; I'm sure there's more to come!

Naked computing

2008-04-29T15:31:00.000-07:00

Few things are better than naked computing,
The laptop a-warming your thighs.
But though I'm a stranger,
I'll warn you of danger
Resulting in agonised cries:

It may start off pleasantly warm,
But it doesn't continue the same.
So if you are rudus,
And surf the web nudus,
Your legs may both burst into flame.

This poem contains an oppressive love.

2008-04-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

I know you love me.

I don't think you'll ever hurt me
Or let me come to harm
So worried for my safety
That you won't release my arm.

You swore I could be safe with you,
Inside a gilded cage
But something Hyde's inside you
A dark and bitter
Rage at how I've spoken
You snapped and left me broken
But there's something you've awoken, in me.

So please step back from me,
Get out from underneath my
Skin. Respect me please,
Stop asking where I've
Been and where I'm going
And what time I'll come home
I am a grown woman,
Please leave me alone.
Please leave me alone.

I'm glad I had to hurt you to safely get away
You tried to make me stay, but
That was the day that I'd made up my mind.
Stabbed from behind.

Left you dying, never mind.

missing you

2008-04-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

I try each night to dream of you,
I wish I could control
The images that haunt my sleep,
But absence takes its toll.

I forget your hand in mine
And how it makes me feel
I wonder what your smile looks like,
I wonder if you're real.

I'm counting down the days, sweetheart,
Until I'm by your side
Until my heart swells once again
With tenderness and pride.

We have to be apart for now,
I wish that I knew why.
Until we meet again, my love,
My darling, please don't cry.

Old

2008-04-06T18:07:00.000-07:00

Do you like my face, sweetie?
Do you like my shape?
Or do you miss the days when
I was young and lovely.

I was slim and pretty once,
Fair of form and face
Graceful, and your lover once,
You shivered when you touched me.

Old and haggard am I now.
Time has claimed its own.
Still you hold my hand, sweetie.
Why, I've never known.

Just two

2008-03-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

I'm a stranger in a strange land
All I want to do
Is take you by the hand,
Lead you through
This world of high demand.
Even you,
A blessing so unplanned,
Can be so true
So meant to be. And,
You're changing me too -
I write your name in sand.
I'm something new.
My heart that bears your brand
Finally flew.

Grief

2008-03-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

When she asked how my father was,
She was suddenly very apologetic,
Horrified at what she'd done.

I brushed it aside.
For a second I'd forgotten too,
But there it was again,
Hot in my head
Swollen in my throat
The strange and unpleasant thought-
Unspeakable, and so often unspoken.

I thought it would get easier,
But grief becomes silent, and thus forgotten.
Until you hear their name
Hear a joke they'd love
See a dog fall over, something silly.
And you can't tell them.
Something's broken and now you can't tell them.

Haiku

2008-03-03T10:42:00.000-08:00

hail falls from nowhere
I'm glad for my umbrella
braced against the wind.

daffodils drooping
over-eager hints of spring
look disappointed.

the path is half-white
pavements crunching underfoot
the hail melts to slush.

moments later, sun.
the roads sparkle with puddles
I look up, and smile.

Hearts in my shoes

2008-02-28T05:14:00.000-08:00

He left hearts in my shoes at Christmas,
Little scraps of paper.
A secret and sweet "I love you"
under my pillow.
He loves me.
And I, willing yet unable to give myself wholly over,
To kiss and stroke him as I would,
I love him in every little way I can reach.

Graffiti

2008-02-20T06:06:00.000-08:00

In a grey and lonely city where every street's the same
The only way to speak out is to tell the walls your name

Persistance

2008-01-25T03:18:00.000-08:00

You melt away before my fingertips,
Your lips are mist
I think of this and miss your tender kiss
That sense of bliss and joy, me and my boy.

I failed the test; I bailed.
Just let me rest, it's best to draw the veil
In some warm nest, a safe haven,
Hidden from the wailing raven
That seems to haunt my dreams with hateful screams.

But I'll be strong. There's nothing wrong in running for the prize,
Your priceless eyes, that play the song
Of sweet surprise.
I won't be long.
The silence dies.

And once again, so soft, unplanned,
I'll touch your hand
In some sweet green land...

You

2008-01-22T13:58:00.000-08:00

And now I can't have you.
I've reached and I've loved
And still I can't touch you
I've prayed and I've sworn
That I'll always be yours
But I'm torn from your side

By forces beyond my and now I can't have you
control.

Long-distance

2008-01-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

It's times like this I wish we could talk
(eye to eye,
   hand in hand,
              face to face.)
But once again
I'm here alone
Eyes screwed shut,
Pretending I can feel you lying beside me.
Imagining your warmth, your voice.
Every thought a longing.
And I know that the moment
You hear how I miss you
You want to be by my side.
(Heart to heart,
    truth to truth,
                 skin on skin.)
Science or magic,
I know that I'm yours,
And I long for the day we can be
Hand on heart,
   life of love
              soul in skin.

Serving

2008-01-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

It was early in the morning, when I
(Quite without a warning)
Felt an understanding dawning like the rising of the sun.
And I suddenly was seeing just how
Servanthood is freeing
And how doing it and being it could actually be fun!
And I wasn't just resigned,
But favourably inclined
To the fact that we're designed not to live for number one.
It was God himself who spoke,
But my concentration broke,
And when I re-awoke, my new epiphany was done.

Lost on the boundary

2008-01-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

I'm looking to my Lord,
And nothing's any clearer.
Ineffable as ever,
But still I'm one step nearer.
At least, I think I'm getting there,
As hope replaces deep despair...

A God who claims to hear a
Voice cry in the wilderness,
I think that voice is me.
Lost on the boundary of understanding.

Heartbeat

2008-01-11T11:07:00.000-08:00

Your heartbeat
Warm, strong drumbeat
Soft loud bloodbeat
Safe and clear.
Your heartbeat
Steady pulsebeat
Silent thudbeat
Felt so near.
Fewer questions that your eyes have,
More focus than your hands,
More restful than your ever-moving mind.
No demand, no attention,
Just quiet and feel it now.
Listen.

Remember

2008-01-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

Do you remember what you told me
The first time we ever met,
That your best days were behind you
And I hadn't had mine yet?
But now I've heard your stories
About what you've seen and done.
I envy you those memories,
For mine might never come.

You know as well as I do
They could call time tonight.
Our only chance to steal this dance
Could fall into the night.

Remember what I told you
That winter, by the bay,
That we should take things slowly
So we don't get swept away?
I'm not sure I believe that,
And I've fallen pretty hard.
If things went wrong between us,
There's no doubt that I'd be scarred.

You know as well as I do
It's too late to turn around.
We've jumped and now we're flying,
Will we ever hit the ground?

Transformation

2007-12-11T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm becoming something different
Underneath your hand
Changing form and function in ways I can't understand
Improving, evolving
With each thing I learn
Never quite knowing which way I will turn.
It doesn't feel safe,
But it sure is exciting
My life a blank book that I'm day-by-day writing;
And you are the reason
The real inspiration
I thank you, soul-deep, for this new transformation.

Hope

2007-12-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

I confess there's been times
my life has been
So damn stressful, even my weekends
Just aren't restful,
no peace of mind
and none to find
it's left behind.
But best of all, the rest of all my memories fade to grey
Hard to say how or why or when they faded
Left me jaded
Afraid it's gonna stay this way.
I find it's kind of deadening,
my heart a leaden thing
but

I lift my head and sing
Of better things
with angel's wings
that lift me high
to all that I
try to be -
Alive and free
In ivory clouds I fly.

I'll look back, gaze
on the black days
that attack in ways so crushing
Remember the hush of the rushing night
and see I was right
To wait for light to come in sight,

I'm saved by His might.

2007-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Come home
It's been too long.
Come home,
It's so easy to miss you
When you were the colour in every day
Now that's faded to grey

To be honest

2007-12-07T14:12:00.000-08:00

When left to my own devices
When I'm in the house all alone
I can be myself, do whatever I want,
Ignore social convention
And do the dishes topless.

When nobody's looking my way,
I grin.
Because I know what I'm thinking.
It doesn't even have to be interesting,
But it's a secret, my secret,
And it gives me great satisfaction.

Don't worry. As soon as this poem ends,
I'll close the window into my head
And be respectable
And normal
And thank you for your patience
While I sneak out a little honesty.

Astral darks

2007-11-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

I longed to believe that there's good in everyone.
But every chance I gave you
Every time I forgave, forgot
You did it again
Worse every time
Bitterness, anger and lies.
You never spoke a pure and true word
It was poison, it was dark
Alien to me

I'm far from jaded.
It takes more than you to break me.

I still wait to hear that you've changed
Don't know if you ever will
But it's there
An open door
And if you walk through it,
I'll be standing there

Strangers

2007-11-08T13:54:00.000-08:00

The world all wants the world to know their name
And everyone's just got themselves to blame
For all those forgotten faces
In those hazy distant places, like next door,
No-one knows their neighbours any more.

But sometimes fairy-lights litter the town,
The flyers go up and the walls all fall down
We dance to the rhythm,
All grudges forgiven, for the night
The festival feels so right.

That carnival culture that sweeps the streets
Gets everyone out, out and up on their feet
Each stranger is a friend,
Nobody wants it to end, but it must
Even the best things come to dust.

And maybe you'll get a curious glance
From a face you remember from some drunken dance
Unknown without the mask,
You're afraid to ask, and what for?
No-one knows their neighbours any more.

2007-11-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

This uni work is making me feel a lot like Sisyphus. Every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere, that rock just rolls right the way back down again... blargh.

Interesting thing of the day: bicycle sex is against the law, apparently. Strange world we live in.

Traitor

2007-10-30T17:22:00.000-07:00

Walls too close and the roof's too low, so
I'd walk too slow to any old somewhere.
But the sky's too greyfull of clouds to go
And it's too late anyhow to even run there.
Too much to do and too little time, I'm
Gonna get started somewhen later,
First I'll finish this whatever and then
I'll find another way to be a true self-traitor.

Holy ground

2007-10-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

Again I find myself on holy ground,
Disruptive sound fades to quiet, I'm found
Alive and still I stay, my heart pounds,
And I try
First to pray, to say what I
Mean and why,
Then I cry,
Lift my hands and make demands,
Beg for plans, I sigh,
Scream at the sky or sit on the pew
Feeling a love soft and true,
Nearing You.
Sat on the grass, or under stained glass,
Or watching a river pass a drop at a time
I'm
Still
and I'm
Standing
On holy ground one more time.

Love the sun in winter

2007-09-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

The sun just hasn't been the same,
He hides his golden face in shame
Behind a veil of clouds and tears,
He's been gone for so many years
He starts to wonder if he died,
But I know better. Yes, I cried,
The day the golden glowlight faded.
How I wish I could have stayed it.

The crown of every summer day
Is hidden, yes, NOT gone away.
I'll dance again in his warm glows
Forget the days I almost froze
Forget the rain that chills my skin
Forget how dark the days have been.
And once again that smiling eye
Will saturate the cloudless sky.

Refuge

2007-08-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

I want nothing more tonight
Than to leave the mess behind
And crawl into your arms
And rest there awhile.
Nothing but your company
The safety of you.
Steal me from this mess and madness,
Pull me from the wreckage,
And take me somewhere silent and green
Where we can stay together.
Tonight I want nothing more
Than to flee the world with you
But that's not how life works
And I just have to get on with it.

Natural Beauty

2007-08-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

It makes my heart
Lift
I don't know why
To see orange clouds in a purple sky
Or the other way round
I don't remember
But that's how it looks in late September when the sun
Sets
Over the hill
I catch my breath and my heart stands still
To see the world
That you've adored
Whisper Love
To the risen Lord.

Interval

2007-08-28T04:09:00.001-07:00

I say I won't worry, but please don't believe that
You know I'll care, maybe more than I should.
I know you, and now I'm reluctant to leave that
When I've seen a glimmer of something so good.

I'm saying I'll be here, I'm ready to catch you
I hope more than you do I'm telling the truth.
It's so hard to keep up, I'm trying to match you
But I can't fight drama with wisdom and youth.

Given half a chance I'll keep you
Safe and okay
Until you're ready to join in the dance
Given half a chance.

You're sitting there sad, silent as before now,
Looking in serious need of a smile.
Whatever you say shocks me to the core now
I'll stay and I'll help you and talk for a while.

I haven't decided to go on without you,
It's just that I'm realising you might need time.
I want to find out so much more about you
To see more of your heart, and to show you mine.

So do what you think best my dear
I'll be here
I know you've got to make up your own mind,
And take your time.

Interval

2007-08-28T04:09:00.000-07:00

2007-08-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

"the flight of perseverance"

in this hail of gunfire
I'm trying to spread my wings
to rise above
no matter how many knives are shattered in my spine
perseverance is my guide
the chains of enemies and hatred
will give way to my triumphs
I will take my place in the skies
I will cover my fists in blood to be there
your hateful embrace
grounds me no longer
i will fly (above)
i will fly (beyond)
what everyone expected
my wrongs will be seen as right
my regrets will fade
my fists will solidify my existence
now crumble as I outshine your hellish reality
now is my time
now is your end
now my story begins
as your ashes blow away
my only regret
is that you couldn't be with me
in triumph.
________________________

"the epic tale of perseverance and disaster (bleeding the glass dry to crawl over)"

standing strong
so painful so tiring
every path i walk
strewn with the embers of lies and shards of anger
stripped of integrity
barely escaping your walls
covered in wrath
with each cleansing wound
I come closer to it all
the truth
overwhelming and disastrous
creates so many barriers ahead
offering no safety, only answers
leading me on
pushing me over each burning ember
calling me through every painful step
offering the illusion of finality
but with every barrier broken
no matter how painful and mind shattering
i will beg for more
every wound will plead for it
from you
from my past
from every action taken or ignored
it will wash away
the bullshit covering communication
from every scream
from every word
I beg for truth
in all of its glorious bitter reality
like the addict to the needle
my veins feen for your mouth to utter everything you mean
no matter how sharp the glass I travel
even on hands and knees
I'll take it all in stride
every burn
every wound
every tear
every drop of blood
every knife pulled from my back
every time I nod to shrug you off
every moment I know you lie
every wince inducing flashback
shall burn bright inside me
regardless of how far in the ground they put me
no matter what bones shatter
beyond sanity
beyond reason
beyond control
beyond common sense
lies pride
my backbone
my desire
no matter how far i am dragged to my grave......
.....i will stand up again welcoming every painful step
and if i fall
i will crawl forevermore.

Red Tape

2007-08-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

Sign here, date here,
And here please write an obscure number that you were given for your 14th birthday
And told to keep safe.
Here, please provide us with a form of identification you do not have.
Or failing that,
Two forms of identification you do not have.

Enclose a passport photo of yourself
Not more than 3 days old
In which you must be wearing any one of the pre-approved colours listed in appendix 3b.
Photos not reminiscent of the living dead may be returned.
Or may not,
We like to keep you guessing.

Section 10 must be countersigned by somebody you:
Do not live with
Are not related to
Have never worked with
Do not know.
You must have known them for at least forever.
(If nobody meets these criteria, your parents will be accepted,
If they can both independently guess what number I'm thinking right now.)

This form will be returned to you within a working week
But we won't tell you why.

Risking Opening

2007-07-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

Deep breath...

Hold tight...

Here we go, eye contact, friendly jokes, nothing special turns to
Hugs, holding hands, no pressure, not official,
Falling fast, run downhill, no idea where we're going
Will we land safe or broken, there's just no way of knowing.

Don't rush...

Carefully...

Here we go, talking lots, late at night, getting on, turns to
Thoughts, dreams of him, but I'm not letting on,
Then I know, later on, that he feels just the same
Going well, open up, it's a very risky game.

Steady...

Wait...

Here we go, test the water, telling stories, sharing jokes, turns to
Free with the truth, sending him what I wrote,
We both know there's a chance it might not last forever
But it looks pretty good when we can pray together.

Brother - a microstory

2007-07-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

Carrie's diary, 12th Feb

In my dreams, I always have a brother. His name's Liam, and I dream about him a lot.

It's strange to wake up and only have two sisters. Every time I walk past the computer room and don't see his battered trainers hanging over the door, exactly where I know they should be, it pulls at me a little bit. Like this isn't how things were supposed to be. I can't talk to my parents about it, it would be a bit weird... they'd think I'm crazy.

Liam's diary, 12th Feb

Carrie's new meds not working.

Love Song

2007-07-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

I'm writing letters that I'll never send.
I pick the phone up and put it down again.
Don't have the courage to say what I mean,
But here I can tell you, here I can say
You're my world
The reason I wake with a smile
You make every day worthwhile.
You're my love,
My saving grace,
But I could never tell you
I could never say it to your face.

I'm making wishes on every bright star
Sending out prayers that never go far
Can't seem to get through, to know what I feel,
But here I can think it, here I know
You're my song
My first and last thought of the day
You blow all my tears away
You're my hope,
My ray of light,
I really need to tell you
I think I'm gonna tell you tonight...

Empty

2007-07-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

My mind is full of nothing
And it's filling to the seams.
The blank eclipses memories
And hopes, ideas and dreams.
I sit here staring emptily
And long for some reprieve,
But this unwelcome squatter
In my head just will not leave.

It's a blankness that's spread to my body
A blankness corrupting my soul
It's clear in my eyes that as each feeling dies
It's left me less polo than hole.

I'm lucky charms with no marshmallows,
The sky without the stars,
I long for freedom from my mind,
Please remove these bars.

I'm empty like a city with no-one on the streets,
So I'll write awful poems and compare myself to sweets.

I see girls

2007-06-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, this really is pretty much all I can draw.

Elucidate

2007-06-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

My words are more hollow than the thoughts that follow
With texture and colour and sound,
They simply dissolve into problems to solve
And ideas that keep hanging around.

I wish I could deal with something more real,
But I don't think it's in me to tell
Of the problems we meet, all patterned and neat,
And gift-wrapped for someone to sell.

Why does the clutter cause me to stutter,
To think and to fumble and fall?
Why does the chaos threaten to sway us
Why do I bother at all...

I finally see I should just let it be,
Thoughts are too hard to tie down.
Love, fear, and pain are too hard to explain,
But if I don't try I might drown.

Inbetween

2007-06-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

I've looked outside at 3am, and in the street I've seen
The boys and girls with makeup smudged they call the Inbetween.
Between the dusk and dawn they rise, between the light and shade,
And when the sunlight comes, the line will slowly start to fade.

I've looked into the eyes of one and asked him what they mean
When I hear them call themselves "Neglected Inbetween".
Between being accepted and cast out into the night,
They walk away from darkness but they fear the burning light.

One told me when I asked him why his whole life, he has been
Difficult to understand, and always Inbetween.
Between his friends and family, between the bright and dim,
The only place he could belong was with those just like him.

He walked on by, rejoining the never-ending line
Between the night and sunrise, every face set just like mine.
And every tree and road and sky took on a twilight sheen
That night I left my life behind and joined the Inbetween.

Quality

2007-06-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Qualities I want to have: depth and warmth and dignity
Independence, peace and love, a pure and true integrity
A giving kind and caring heart, generous and good,
And honesty. I'd love to be this person if I could.

Meeting

2007-05-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

Well hello, it's nice to meet you
For the first and millionth time.
(Should I hug him straight away? Hard to say.)

How are you? How do you do?
Isn't the weather divine?
(Should I shake his hand? Hell, I know him too well.)

Erm, yes, so what now?
Now that we're here, I mean.
(I'm subtly trying to see if he's looking at me...)

You really are - wow,
As good as you could have been...
(It drives me round the bend that this stranger is my friend.)

- this half was added by a friend of mine, it's in keeping with the style and structure so I thought I'd shove that up here too ;) -

Good morning, was the trip alright?
You're looking rather well
(Does she want a hug straight away, or should I wait)

I'm doing great thanks, I've been up all night!
The weather's simply swell
(Will a kiss on the hand seem strange, or too keen?)

What's say we find a diner
Maybe grab a bite to eat?
(I hope she doesn't care or notice how I stare)

I knew you were excellent, but you're finer
Than I thought anyone could be
(My God, I feel a flush... I hope she can't see me blush)

Champ

2007-05-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

Champ the three-legged granny-napping dog
Hangs round the nursing home.
He steals the lady pensioners
Like most dogs steal a bone.
He buries them in his back yard,
Their heads above the ground,
And there they'll stay until the day
Those grandmothers get found.

Champ the three-legged baby-saving dog
Will run headfirst through flames;
Mortal peril, falling walls,
He treats them just like games.
And when he's saved those babies,
He isn't even burned.
But they withhold his prize of gold
Till those grannies get returned.

Champ the three-legged solent-swimming dog
Can brave the fiercest storm
To make it to the Isle of Wight
(The place where he was born).
He could battle sharks and ferries
And he wouldn't even tire,
He travels the seas when not stealing grannies
Or saving babies from the fire.

Champ the three-legged superhero dog
Leaps kennels in one bound.
He flies faster than a speeding bullet,
He beats the speed of sound.
He has super x-ray MeatVision,
He wins in every fight,
He breaks down doors with his bare paws.
But his weakness is Marmite.
(It's like his Kryptonite.)

Champ the three-legged wonder dog
Is going to the vet's,
Where many dogs before him
Have become neutered pets.
I think he's lost his powers,
Although he looks quite fine,
They held him down and went to town
And now Champ's a normal canine.
My totally normal, un-super, powerless,
Granny-napping, baby-saving, solent-swimming friend.
The End.

Counting the seconds

2007-05-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

Counting the seconds
Quickens my breath,
Longing for freedom,
For life after death.
Losing the moment
In keeping the dream,
Counting the seconds
I silence the scream.
I gaze at the heavens
From which I fell...
Screw it, this poem's
As emo as hell.

Chaos

2007-05-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

Chaos has spoken:
"The system is broken.
Corrupt and hollow
Is the law that you follow,
Yet words like evil imply
A judge you deny.
Oh, the loopholes I find
In the maze of your mind!"

He's happy, that much is easy to see,
He rubs butterfly wings together with glee,
And laughs in delight at the storm it creates,
The Chaos and Panic (the two are old mates).

"You think that you're good when you're really seditious!
You call others 'hypocrites' (that's just delicious)!
It is all such fun!
I love it. Well done.
The system is broken."
Chaos has spoken.

Starving African Kids

2007-05-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

It's criminal, you know, the way we live,
With our ipods and mobiles and stuff.
More food and more clothes, how can we forgive
Wanting more when we've got quite enough!

When you're in bed tonight and you close your eyelids,
I want you to see Starving African Kids.
Starving African Kids! Think of them every day,
They'd be glad for the meals that you've thrown away!
So donate stuff to Oxfam, that's what I did,
To save the life of some African kid.
They're skinny, and naked, and covered with flies,
Can't you see the pain in their puppy-dog eyes?
You're used to hearing appeals and alerts,
But I want you to give, and to give till it hurts!

If I don't walk the talk then I'm not being fair,
But I've done it all. This is how much I care:

I sold my computer, my car and my phone,
Donated my clothes and remortgaged my home,
Cut back on food to see how the live.
There's nothing I had that I did not give!

I'm hungry, I'm homeless, I wish I was dead,
But not one starving African have I seen fed...

I left her there

2007-05-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

How can I have dreamed it,
That great, sparkling sea
As if littered with diamonds
Created in ... me?

You say I imagined
That primeval wood
Creeping with horrors,
I don't see how I could...

The sight and the scent of that
Forest still lingers,
My face brushed by branches
Like dead men's fingers,
And the full moon sang
As they so often do,
And you're trying to tell me
That none of it's true?

Somewhere to explore,
Somewhere we can fly,
We went there together,
My sister and I.

I felt that cold ocean,
It tickled my skin,
It soaked her and numbed her
When she waded in.

I heard the wind howling,
So don't you dare
Say I was just dreaming -
I left her there.

Lest we forget

2007-05-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

Shut up, shuttup, I'm trying to make a point!
Just wish I could remember what it is.
Erm -
Anyway, I care very deeply about -
About whatever it is, and
I will NOT tolerate complacency!
We must FIGHT for -
Uh -
This Thing, and ensure that it doesn't slip through the cracks.
The fate of the world could well depend
On - on -
Escapes me right at this -
But what was I -
Err -
Yes -
Um...

WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

I'm over him

2007-05-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

I don't think about him at all any more.
Why, just the other day,
I told my friend how I don't think of him -
But she just laughed and turned away.

I don't think about him at all any more,
I barely remember his name,
Or the colour of his eyes or the warmth of his smile
Or the way we always thought the same.

I don't think about him at all any more.
I wonder, does he think of me?
Or has he forgotten me, like I have him,
Erased me from his memory?

I don't think about him at all any more,
I'm busy with more crucial things,
Like money, and TV, and that gorgeous song
That his friend's younger brother's friend sings.

I hardly think of him at all any more,
I'm over him; totally fine!
No, I don't think about him at all any more.
Well, except for most of the time.

Sleepless

2007-05-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep tonight;
I haven't tried.
There's a pain in my head
And now the time on my laptop ticks to two,
And I should be asleep,
But I'm busy reading poetry
Which spills over into this.

Sorry

2007-04-25T05:24:00.000-07:00

I've never had this chance before,
Never wanted to know you more,
I'd take back all my errors if I could.
The only thing I know for certain
Is that things will soon stop hurting.
I can't wait until we're feeling good.

Ever since we spoke last night,
I've longed so much to make things right,
Losing you's the only thing I fear.
I know the stuff I said upsets you,
But no part of me regrets you,
No-one else has ever come this near.

Avatar and background

2007-04-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

Done for forum members.