missing you

I try each night to dream of you,
I wish I could control
The images that haunt my sleep,
But absence takes its toll.

I forget your hand in mine
And how it makes me feel
I wonder what your smile looks like,
I wonder if you're real.

I'm counting down the days, sweetheart,
Until I'm by your side
Until my heart swells once again
With tenderness and pride.

We have to be apart for now,
I wish that I knew why.
Until we meet again, my love,
My darling, please don't cry.

Grief

When she asked how my father was,
She was suddenly very apologetic,
Horrified at what she'd done.

I brushed it aside.
For a second I'd forgotten too,
But there it was again,
Hot in my head
Swollen in my throat
The strange and unpleasant thought-
Unspeakable, and so often unspoken.

I thought it would get easier,
But grief becomes silent, and thus forgotten.
Until you hear their name
Hear a joke they'd love
See a dog fall over, something silly.
And you can't tell them.
Something's broken and now you can't tell them.

Persistance

You melt away before my fingertips,
Your lips are mist
I think of this and miss your tender kiss
That sense of bliss and joy, me and my boy.

I failed the test; I bailed.
Just let me rest, it's best to draw the veil
In some warm nest, a safe haven,
Hidden from the wailing raven
That seems to haunt my dreams with hateful screams.

But I'll be strong. There's nothing wrong in running for the prize,
Your priceless eyes, that play the song
Of sweet surprise.
I won't be long.
The silence dies.

And once again, so soft, unplanned,
I'll touch your hand
In some sweet green land...

You

And now I can't have you.
I've reached and I've loved
And still I can't touch you
I've prayed and I've sworn
That I'll always be yours
But I'm torn from your side

By forces beyond my and now I can't have you
control.

Long-distance

It's times like this I wish we could talk
(eye to eye,
   hand in hand,
              face to face.)
But once again
I'm here alone
Eyes screwed shut,
Pretending I can feel you lying beside me.
Imagining your warmth, your voice.
Every thought a longing.
And I know that the moment
You hear how I miss you
You want to be by my side.
(Heart to heart,
    truth to truth,
                 skin on skin.)
Science or magic,
I know that I'm yours,
And I long for the day we can be
Hand on heart,
   life of love
              soul in skin.

Lost on the boundary

I'm looking to my Lord,
And nothing's any clearer.
Ineffable as ever,
But still I'm one step nearer.
At least, I think I'm getting there,
As hope replaces deep despair...

A God who claims to hear a
Voice cry in the wilderness,
I think that voice is me.
Lost on the boundary of understanding.

Astral darks

I longed to believe that there's good in everyone.
But every chance I gave you
Every time I forgave, forgot
You did it again
Worse every time
Bitterness, anger and lies.
You never spoke a pure and true word
It was poison, it was dark
Alien to me

I'm far from jaded.
It takes more than you to break me.

I still wait to hear that you've changed
Don't know if you ever will
But it's there
An open door
And if you walk through it,
I'll be standing there