Alone

Naomi stared at her reflection, excited at her thoughts and plans for the night. They had a reservation at Dielle's, the most expensive restaurant she had ever seen, and she had her suspicions why. James had seemed determined enough that it be perfect. Anticipation bubbled up in her stomach and she adjusted her silver necklace and put her earrings in. James had bought them for her some months ago, telling her that the diamonds were really pretty, and so was she. Naomi smiled at the memory; he didn't have a way with words, but the thought was there.

She had tried on three dresses already, always glancing nervously at the clock. He was supposed to have arrived by now. Seven o'clock came and went, minute by minute, as she put on makeup and made more final adjustments to her hair than were really necessary, more out of a need to be doing something until he arrived.
At exactly - she checked the clock again - twelve minutes past, she called him on his mobile. He didn't pick up. She looked out of the window at the deserted, rain-drenched streets and left a message.

"Hi baby, I'm sure you're just running late, but I wanted to check. You said we had a table booked at Dielle's, remember? Oh, you can't have forgotten. Well - look - um - call me back, or, yeah." Taking some gum, she started chewing, and called his home line. The machine kicked in. "Baby, pick up. C'mon, where are you? It's... quarter past now; they won't hold the table forever... James, please, call me?"

She sat on her bed, and chewed her gum ferociously, as only an ex-smoker can. The road by her house was usually quiet, but tonight it was dead silent. All Naomi heard was the clock ticking. By half past, her anxiety had reached a point where she was craving a cigarette more than she had since she quit, months ago. Muttering threats and curses to her very late beloved, she called his work. No answer. She called his parents, no answer. Panic began to set in; her phone clearly wasn't working. What if he'd tried to contact her? She called her home line from her mobile, and vice versa, until she was satisfied that both were operating as they should.

It is possible, she supposed, that he had gone on ahead and expected her to get there herself. In which case, he must think she'd stood him up! Hurriedly, she pulled on her shoes and pulled her coat on.

Heading out the door into the inky blackness, it struck her just how quiet everything was. Even on the rainiest days, there'd usually be some old man walking his dog, or a horde of drunk twenty-somethings calling across the road to one another. But tonight, nothing. Silence, apart from her own breath and the sound of her heels on the pavement. It unnerved her.

Dielle's was about half an hour away from her house, giving her plenty of time for thought. By the time she arrived, she had run through every worst-case scenario she could think of; from visions of James in a hospital bed, to zombie attacks that she had somehow missed. The blue-black evening was punctuated by the occasional hazy orange glow from the streetlights until she arrived in the centre of town. Dielle's was a bright glow in the darkness, promising warmth and comfort. She pushed open the unlocked door, and stared around her at what she saw.

Dielle's was the most in-demand restaurant in town. James had sworn to her that he'd booked the table in advance, because otherwise they had no hope. And yet before her, all Naomi saw was empty tables and empty chairs. There wasn't even a waiter or a cook. Wandering further into the exclusive, luxurious establishment, she called out:

"Anyone there? Is there anybody - anybody here? Hello!" A tremor of uncertainty had crept into her voice, a note of panic evident through her false confidence. "Don't worry, Nay," she said to herself, "there's nothing to worry about. They were clearly closed tonight, and James just forgot to tell me. That's all." She looked briefly again around the deserted room, and pushed her way back into the cold, muttering "Shouldn't have left it unlocked really, anybody could come in here..." But the street outside seemed as starkly lacking in 'anybodys' as everywhere else.

Hanging around in the doorway, she went to call Claire, but hesitated. What if she didn't answer? What if nobody answered? Naomi decided she'd rather not know, and put her phone away again.

By the time she arrived home, her makeup had run from rain or tears. She hadn't seen so much as a stray dog on the way home. "Fine. Tonight's been one huge disappointment", she said, still trying hard not to think about what was happening. She focused instead on the smaller picture, on how James had let her down, and how he better have a good reason. Settling into bed in her nightshirt, she flicked the television on, half expecting every station to display a test card or something. But no, there was the chat show, set up to look warm and inviting to all - but completely abandoned. There was the nature programme, cameras panning across endless plains devoid of any animal life. There was the music channel, showing only instruments laying silent on the stage.

Being her usual methodical self, Naomi tried to watch a video. The set was empty. She played a CD; only the backing track could be heard. Tears ran down her face as she pulled out a photo of James from her wallet - showing only the bench he had been sitting on at the time. She felt a jolt as she realised that this meant she would never see Ben again, and a pang of guilt as she became aware of that thought.

It was half past ten, and Naomi hadn't seen anyone since she'd left work at half four. Curled up and sobbing in her bed, she eventually fell asleep, exhausted from the worrying and crying and the deep, soulful sense of loneliness that pulled on her heart. It seemed to her that in the whole wide world, there was nobody living or breathing but herself, and that even her one life was one too many.
___

The next morning, she was awoken by warm breath on the back of her neck. "Morning, beloved." The soft, warm voice of her James was unmistakable, and at first her thoughts were too fuzzy to know why she was so shocked and pleased to hear him. "Or should I call you fiancée now?" Speechless, Naomi looked at her hand, and stared in wonder at the diamond ring there. "Last night" - he kissed her neck - "was amazing. And the food was great. They don't exaggerate about Dielle's, do they princess."

___


Which is all fair enough, as fiction, but that's not all it is. It happens to me every night. As soon as I leave work, the world empties of all company, and I return to my bedroom to spend the next however-many hours alone, waiting for the noise and the presence of someone with skin on. But, for your company, as far as it goes, I thank you.